Why Helping Others is the Silver Bullet That Destroys Self-Deficiency Givers Gain6 min read

When

you feel like you do not belong, you do not measure up and do not have what it takes, chances are that the most logical thing you will do is to shrink back from life.

Our self-deficiency causes us to have this inward look. We do feel like we cannot contribute either in word or in deed to anybody around us.

That is how massively corroding self-deficiency is. However, you will be shocked to note that that level of self-deficiency is an absolute illusion.

Focus On Others

It doesn’t matter how dire your situation is, I know that you can give something to someone. It doesn’t have to be a Mercedes Benz or some stack of cash. It could be words. It could be care. It could be an affirmation.

It could be an encouragement and it could be advice. When you have feelings of self-deficiency, it is good to recognize the fact that the way out of it would be to give or to help some other person.

Now, I am not saying that you and I adopt a value of giving or helping others ostensibly so we can overcome self-deficiency. No. I am saying that it is one of the ways that self-deficiency can be overcome, and so, helping others is not primarily for the purpose of overcoming self-deficiency.

How it Works

Perchance you have any semblance of self-deficiency, it would be good that you enumerate it. Let’s say that you are feeling deficient in terms of courage.

The thing that you need to do is to identify someone else who is in the same boat as yourself. When you talk to them, your goal would be to give them courage—to encourage them.

This can be easy and natural because you are already touched with the feelings of their infirmities. If you make it a goal to care for them and to give them courage, chances are that you will grow through the process.

You see, what we give we get. Gandhi ably said the following:

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others

Being others-cantered is one of the most potent ways to kill self-deficiency because the focus is no longer on you but it is on other people.

It Happened To Me

When I found myself in the village more than two decades ago with no option in life, I was distraught. Self-deficiency in me increased through leaps and bounds and I can tell you that to date, I still am dealing with that wound.

I found myself shrinking from life and all the while wishing and praying that things will go well for me. The more I was wising and shrinking from life, the more my essence was corroding and rusting away.

Got Over Myself

The more I did nothing, the more my self-deficiency increased. One day though I made a decision to participate in life. I found out that I had leadership qualities. I expended those leadership qualities when I was involved in leading the youth in my local church.

When I go back there today, they still remind me of the things that I used to do those days…and yet I did those things while nursing feelings of self-deficiency.

When I immersed myself in giving of self, I did not know how time flew. In due cause, I was called out of the village and I can tell you that I have never gone back there again! In addition, the self-deficiency that I had was interrupted and that’s how my healing kicked off in earnest.

How To Help Others

I strongly feel that if you have the feelings of self-deficiency (and you will know this by your shrinking away from life), taking action to help other people could be one of the most potent things you could ever do to get yourself cured.

The following are some of the ways in which you can take action in giving or helping others.

  1. Material:

    I think one of the greatest lies you will see in your life is that when you are having self-deficiency, you also have “nothing” to give. Really? Well, in some extreme cases, you probably have nothing to give. However, if you looked carefully in your house (if you have one) you will find the following:

    Books
    Clothes
    Shoes
    Bags
    Musical instruments
    Laptop and so on. You get the message. You can find something tangible to give away to someone. That act of giving will go a very long way in messing up the feelings of self-deficiency in you. The psychology behind self-deficiency is that you cannot be of help to another person. Giving shatters it by the backbone.

  2. Experience:

    You probably know something that someone else does not know. It could be academic, professional or just experiential in nature. Societies today are increasingly seeing the movement of volunteerism working.
    If anything, some people are finding some level of purpose in their lives through volunteering. So if you used what you had in your “hands” in terms of your experience to meet a particular need in society, you will not be having those feelings of self-deficiency for long.

  3. Care:

    This is as old as time itself. Especially when you are feeling self-deficient, caring for another person deeply will go a mighty long way in helping rectify that feeling of self-deficiency. You will not find someone who is caring for another feeling self-deficient for long.

  4. Advise:

    At times you can give advice to someone as the only way you can contribute in their lives. By the time you are giving this advice, you are required to search your heart and head for intellect and wisdom. The very fact that someone was able to listen to you for advice, especially having sought it themselves from you will dispel those feelings of self-deficiency.
    They will be replaced by feelings of being valuable, wanted and needed in life.

  5. Gifts and Talents

    Perhaps one of the most neglected parts of life is what people are gifted naturally. It is because familiarity breeds contempt that we do not take our gifts and talents seriously. The thing is that you can be able to use these gifts and talents to help someone in society. You might not need to spend here. The more you are using the gifts and your talents, the more you are developing self-efficacy. The more that is happening, the more you are killing self-deficiency.

What I would rather, at the end of the day though is that giving and helping other people should be a lifestyle. It should not be something that we are doing

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